It’s a phrase we regularly come to dread, keep away from or worry—particularly in terms of saying it to your boss. However what if a no now would possibly really create a sure later? It’d even be the spine precept of setting wholesome boundaries within the office, and also you could be stunned what number of instances the phrase no would possibly open doorways you by no means anticipated.
Why no will get a foul rap
Your first publicity to no was most likely in your childhood when your family members used it to guard you from outdoors forces that would trigger you bodily or psychological hurt. However as we age, the connection with the phrase can typically lead us to wish to keep away from tough conversations with our bosses and colleagues.
“From a psychological standpoint, the discomfort round saying no is usually linked to people-pleasing tendencies, which stem from a worry of disappointing others or being seen as insufficient,” says Ann Monis, CEO and a medical and forensic psychologist at Medical Anti Ageing. “That is frequent in excessive achievers who tie their self-worth to exterior validation.”
Monis explains that our mind registers rejection as a risk, resulting in that fight-or-flight feeling we get after we assume our no would possibly result in disappointment from others or a poor consequence. The sensation can improve nervousness and as Monis factors out, “[make] it really feel bodily uncomfortable to say no, even in conditions the place it’s fully cheap.”
“Many individuals are wired to consider that saying no is the same as rejection, or failure,” she says. “That worry comes from deep-rooted beliefs tied to approval, authority dynamics and even childhood experiences.”
The assumption that utilizing the phrase no indicators a failure actually isn’t restricted to the US workforce.
“I used to assume saying ‘no’ at work was dangerous, such as you would possibly get labeled as advanced or not a crew participant,” says Tetiana Burda, CAO on the soft-development firm Syndicode in Portugal . “After I was main HR, I noticed this worry on a regular basis. Folks would overload themselves, comply with inconceivable deadlines and tackle work that wasn’t theirs to keep away from disappointing somebody. And to be trustworthy, I did the identical.”
Then she had a turning level the place she stopped agreeing to every part to show her value.
“I used to be dealing with HR, juggling 1,000,000 issues, after which got here the traditional, ‘Tetiana, you must also tackle this extra undertaking.’ The outdated me would have nodded and figured it out at 2 within the morning. As an alternative, I mentioned, ‘I’d love to assist, but when I take this on, I received’t have the ability to dedicate sufficient consideration to my present duties. Which one’s the precedence?’” Burda says. “That was the second every part modified. As an alternative of being seen as somebody who simply mentioned ‘no,’ I used to be seen as somebody who thought strategically. And humorous sufficient, that shift led to extra important duties, actual ones, not simply further work.”
Making your no as simple as sure
Whereas the phrase no may not be a favourite or most utilized phrase in your vocabulary, specialists remind us that it is among the most vital to grasp, particularly for setting wholesome boundaries at work.
“The flexibility to say no at work is finally about self-management and long-term profession development,” says Tim Brown, founding father of the Hook Company in Minneapolis. “Probably the most profitable professionals are those that know find out how to stability their workload, prioritize successfully, and talk boundaries in a means that builds respect.”
So if no is so tough for many people to say, how can we even start to set these boundaries? Specialists say it begins with rethinking what no actually means.
“As an alternative of viewing it as a rejection, see it as an act of self-preservation and strategic decision-making,” says Monis. “A robust reframe is: ‘Saying no to 1 factor means I’m saying sure to one thing else that aligns with my objectives and well-being.’ This shifts the narrative from worry of penalties to confidence in prioritization.”
Brown says if a deliberate no makes you too anxious, think about different methods you would possibly reframe your response, as an example:
Begin by acknowledging the request by utilizing phrasing like, “That seems like an attention-grabbing undertaking…”
Present context: “…however I’m presently centered on assembly a deadline for [another task].”
Provide some alternate options: “Wouldn’t it be useful if I assisted another way or revisited this at a later time?”
“This fashion, you’re not simply saying no—you’re displaying that you just’re considerate and dedicated to delivering high quality work,” he says.
For these simply beginning out on their job journey, Brown admits that it could be simple to make use of sure as the best way to remain related, however it may simply result in overcommitting and burnout. As an alternative, he says deal with saying sure to alternatives that align with your personal objectives or expertise you want to develop, and actively work to “say no to duties that overextend you or diminish your efficiency on higher-priority duties.”
When the phrase no creates room for a sure
For Paige Bennett, director of experiential advertising at Awardco, a rewards and recognition platform in Lindon, Utah, no made it doable to say sure to one thing higher.
“Early in my profession, I mentioned no to a promotion,” she says. “On paper, it was an important alternative, however I knew it wasn’t the proper match for what I wished to do and the place I wished to go. As an alternative of dashing into management for the sake of development, I centered on growing the abilities I actually wished. That call allowed me to step right into a management position later, one which aligned with my strengths and passions.
“At first, it was intimidating to inform my leaders no,” she provides. “I frightened about how it could be perceived and if it could influence future alternatives. However I by no means regretted it as a result of it finally led me to the place I’m now, a spot the place I really feel fully at peace with my profession path.”
She provides that her leaders expressed a deep respect for her determination. “Some have even reached out years in a while LinkedIn to say how a lot it impressed them and the way proud they’re of the place I’m at present. That have strengthened for me that success isn’t about taking each alternative—it’s about taking the proper ones.”
Picture by Raushaun_films/Shutterstock.com
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